Written by Steven S. Sadleir
The Awakening
Throughout history, throughout the world, human beings have sought to discover who they are and why they were born. It is mankind´s eternal quest to find meaning and purpose in life. We are instinctually searching to find something within ourselves that will evolve us to our highest potential, both individually and collectively as a society. Our spirits are calling us to realize our Self and know God. Few ever realize their true nature; few really know their own spirit or soul, and very few ever find fulfillment, happiness and peace in life. Few people listen to the call of their indwelling spirit. Few even hear it. But you are different; you are listening.
It is no coincidence that you are reading these words at this particular time in your life. All your life experiences have been testing you, teaching you, preparing you for something absolutely unbelievable. Your indwelling spirit already knows for what purpose you were born and has been guiding you all along. Deep within your mind lies the latent memory of who you are and why you were born and we are going to access that memory now. If you look within yourself you will see it for yourself. The answers already lie within you. You already know this. Your spirit has called out to you through your curiosity to pick up this book. Your willingness to open this book and read these words is your own spirit guiding you. Your spirit is engaging your mind and prompting you to think about what I am sharing with you. In this moment you are awakening.
The whole world is sleepwalking. Humanity lives in a dream. Human beings as a whole have no idea how or why the universe was created or what it is. Individuals really have no idea what they are or what they are doing here. We don´t know whence we came, what sustains our existence while we are here, or where we go after the physical body and mind expire. Deep inside you know. That knowingness led you to me. It was your spirit that led me to write this book to help you remember. This book is your wake-up call. It is now time to awaken to full self-realization; it is time to discover who you are and why you were born so that you can fulfill the purpose of your existence. You and I play an integral role in the spiritual movement that is occurring within the collective consciousness of humanity.
Take a moment to pause and reflect upon what has just been shared. Doesn´t a part of you know this already, or sense it? Can you sense that there is something more to life? Can you feel the stirring in your heart? Can you hear the call of your own indwelling spirit? If you will be still for a few moments now, your spirit will come to you from within the silence and speak to your heart. Listen.
The Search
I began my search very early in life. As a child I would sit alone for hours. I would cross my legs on the bunk bed, or out in the fields around my house, and simply close my eyes. I didn´t know what to do; I didn´t know what I was doing. All I knew is when I would just sit in that stillness something lovely would embrace me, something beautiful would come to light. Years later, a yoga teacher informed me that I was meditating, but that really didn´t mean much to me then. I was just after that wonderful feeling. Then, when I was eight years old during a routine tonsillectomy my heart and breathing stopped. I flat lined. I reacted to the anesthesia and left my body. It felt as if I had slipped through a tunnel or gate, and when I came out I was immersed in an ocean of love. I remember being startled to see my body on the operating table with all kinds of frantic activity going on "-How could that be me down there when I am up here-?" was my thought. I sensed that I was not alone, but did not recall seeing anyone up there at ceiling height with me.
What I remembered then was some vague notion of myself, and the incredible love that so permeated my being. I didn´t want to come back. It was so beautiful, so free, so real. It was more real than I remembered my earthly existence to be. It was sort of like what I felt when I sat meditating, but much stronger. It was bliss. Then, at some point, I thought of my mother. I sensed she was worried sick. I felt her love, and with the thought of it I came back into my body. I fell asleep again.
After the operation I tried to explain what I had experienced, but the nurses and doctors explained that I was under the influence of the drugs and had been hallucinating. This was back in the late 1960´s and ?out-of-body´ or ?near death´ experiences were not really known by people or discussed openly. Besides, I was just a kid not to be taken seriously by the adults. For years I wanted to go back to this place outside of myself. I would sit to try to replicate the experience, sometimes I would get close and other times not. I began to lose interest in everything else. I didn´t get involved with many school activities; I was not very social. I did not have many friends. I went off to be alone and sit. People have always felt sorry for me being so alone, but I had no way of conveying the bliss that I felt. The few times that I would share my experiences or insights nobody could relate to them. As a matter of fact, it annoyed people and scared my parents so I kept quiet about it.
Neither of my parents were religious. I was not raised to go to church, but I would ride my bike around town and go to services out of curiosity. My paternal grandparents were Baptists, and the few times that I saw them my grandmother would read to me from the Bible. We would attend church services and we would pray together. I liked it. My grandmother was very sweet and loved the Lord; her love was infectious, but the church services seemed pretty boring. I remember asking my Grandma Ruth who God was, why I was born, what the purpose of life is and so forth, but she was not equipped to answer those questions and after reading some verses from the Bible she suggested that I pray for the answers. So I prayed. And I prayed quite a bit, and after praying I would sit in the stillness again and the love would come, the bliss.
As a pre-teen I started reading lots of books. I would ask the ministers these probing questions. I would ask my teachers. I would ask other adults. Nobody seemed to know. I remember thinking, "How could nobody know who they were or why they were born?" The world seemed pretty dumb, and everyone was more concerned with other things. I was the odd one. So I continued to sitting, for in those quiet moments things would become clear to me. I have always felt closest to God, and more in touch with my self, when I was alone in nature. Whether it be the mountains, desert or by the sea, just connecting with the outdoors was inspiring and helped me to plug into life again by feeling a part of something, the Earth, myself, God through nature. So when I turned sixteen and bought my first car, a ´64 VW Beetle, I would take off into the wilderness to commune with my Creator. It was on one of these retreats to the Sierra Nevada Mountains that God spoke to me. I had climbed up into the John Muir Wilderness outside of Bishop, California, into an area known as the Palisades Glacier. I was backpacking alone, and one morning very early I climbed up to the top of the peak to watch the sun rise and pray. I prayed and prayed. I prayed for God to reveal Himself. I prayed to know who I was. I prayed to know what my purpose in life was. And I prayed to go back to that place I was when I had nearly died.
As the sun came up and my tears were drying, a stillness and peace came upon me. My concern was released, my heart opened, and an unspoken clarity came to mind. In this moment a profound insight and inspiration came that radically shifted my life; an answer to my prayers3;a calling. It came to me that if I were to investigate virtually every spiritual path and tradition in existence, if I were to meet all the great spiritual masters and holy people, all the paths and spiritual traditions, if I were to dedicate my life to the pursuit of this vision, then the Truth would be revealed to me; and I was called upon to share what I discovered with those who are seeking. God had spoken to me in His own way. I came down that mountain feeling like Moses with the commandments, and the next twenty years of my life were dedicated to fulfilling this covenant.
Although I did end up going to college and completing graduate studies in economics, working respectable jobs and dated, my life was dedicated to my calling and everything has revolved around that. Over the next twenty years of my life I systematically went though every religion, every sect, every arcane teaching or new philosophy in search of God and ended up writing two books on the subject, The Spiritual Seeker´s Guide (Allwon 1991) and Looking for God (Perigee 2001). For years I was immersed in the Torah and the Bible, reading it cover to cover several times, attending services of each major sect and asking countless questions to rabbis and clergy. I went back to first century manuscripts and got into everything I could get my hands on about the early life of Jesus and Christians, the Essenes, the Gnostics, the Nag Hammadi Library, Dead Sea Scrolls, Josephus and Desert Fathers. There is a vast wealth of information that very few people even know about that sheds so much life into the early teachings and esoteric meanings of biblical scripture. Then I went on to Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, on and on through over two hundred and fifty groups. The Hindu corpus of literature alone is several encyclopedias worth of text: the Vedas, the Upanishads, the Sutras, Puranas the Epochs, etc. Every evening and weekends for most of my adult life, this was my date, my party, my life. However the real learning came from the experiences with the teachers, not from the books. There were years that I was into Taoism, then Zen, followed by Tibetan Buddhism and many other Buddhist sects. Each group was providing another insight into the nature of the mind, existence and God, each with their own unique and colorful rituals and forms of meditation.
I studied with various Native American shamans and learned the secrets of the sacred peyote and mushrooms. I joined a Druid order while doing graduate studies in the United Kingdom and even joined a witch´s coven in my native California. I traveled to the back woods of Borneo, headhunter tribes in the Philippines and aboriginals of Australia to learn the ancient wisdom of the elders. I was deeply involved with what used to be called the New Age movement studying the Course of Miracles, Religious Science, Eckankar, and most of the self-help and new thought courses you might have heard of. I have channeled, and gone to see many of the more popular channels of the seventies and eighties. I am very psychic and grew up seeing lights around people and seeing things other people don´t normally see, so many of these psychics and mystics didn´t really seem so strange to me. Wherever I went teachers would come to me intuitively, to impart something. I was being guided wherever I went. Uncanny timing of events, coincidences and synchronicities became, and are, a way of life. God was guiding me.
However, I quickly discovered that what I was seeking was beyond the mind. I was not getting it from all the information that I was absorbing; in fact, what I thought I knew was getting in the way! Although each teaching served to help me on my path, to inspire me to keep looking, it wasn´t until I learned to look within and trust my spirit that I began to really see. Throughout all these years of reading and exploring I had kept up my yoga and meditation. By college I was teaching yoga and would meditate for hours at a time. I went from guru to guru, taking their initiations and practicing, then on to another, year after year. At sixteen there was Transcendental Meditation, then Sai Baba, Baba Muktananda, followed by Yogi Bhajan and a host of others (see Looking for God for a more complete list). Each had his or her gift, each his or her own style and perspective, but my spirit was still restless.
For quite a while I had given up on gurus. I instinctively knew that the answers lay within me, and I had never been one to follow another anywhere, so I turned my attention inward and witnessed that part of me that wanted to know. My spirit became my guru and best friend. I learned a lot about myself. I understood so much, I thought. I could talk it like I knew it but I still didn´t have what I was looking for, I still didn´t feel the bliss, I still had not realized God. So I prayed again. Not to a man behind the clouds somewhere, but to the living presence within. I surrendered my mind, I submitted to my spirit, I let go of my resistance and I opened my heart to receive the grace, and in the moment of total and complete surrender I received a vision. This vision was of what appeared to be another spiritual master from India. This one I did not recognize, but he looked so compassionate and wise I knew I had to meet him, but where? How?
The very next day I drove up to Los Angeles from Newport Beach to do some book browsing at the Bodhi Tree bookstore on Melrose. In the used bookstore was pinned a flyer to see one Vethathiri Maharishi from Madras, India, who was going to give a talk on Kundalini Meditation the next evening. This was the same face that appeared in my vision! So, although I thought I already knew about kundalini meditation, I took this as a sign and drove up again the following evening. Upon being in this man´s presence something began to shift in me that I cannot explain. It was like I was getting re-wired to tune into a cosmic awareness that was unlike anything else I had ever experienced. I felt so much love. This man was so down to Earth and practical, so wise, so compassionate, so humble. I fell in love and took him into my life like an adopted grandfather.
On that auspicious day I knew that I had met the one who could help me to see the light that I was seeking vainly on my own. His way felt right, for instead of ?following´ him; he simply helped me to see what had already lain within, but which eluded me through my own projections of what I thought I knew. All that I had learned before became bondage. As soon as I left behind my thoughts and beliefs I experienced freedom. Instead of working so hard at meditating it became a blissful dance with my beloved Creator. I studied with this Swamiji for many years. He took me under his wing, and prepared me to be a teacher in his lineage.
Later, I underwent the advanced training and then served as the teacher in Swamiji´s absence when he would go back to India or other parts of the world where he had hundreds of thousands of students. I would travel with him, assist in the initiations and journey to India to see him on several occasions. Upon completing my years of training, Swamiji decided to remain in India and asked me to continue conducting the initiations in accordance with the lineage. With his blessings I have initiated thousands all over the world. During one of my trips to India I came upon a most unusual and powerful Yogi, one Sri Sri Sri Shivabalayogi Maharaj. I had already heard of this Yogi from other masters whom I had studied with who revered him. This Yogi is famous for sitting twenty-three hours a day for eight years, followed by another twelve hours a day for four more years to complete twelve years of yoga ?tapas´ or austerities. When a yogi stills his or her mind through Dhyana, meditation, the underlying consciousness of the individual merges into the underlying consciousness within the entire universe, which is known as Samadhi. Through the transcendence of the mind the individual consciousness is liberated and God is realized. More simply put, you become aware of the living presence of God and realize your underlying nature as that consciousness. The same innate intelligence that created and sustains the universe created and sustains you, and the two are one. The individual bodily form is like a cell in the body of God. When you are in the presence of an awakened master, you can feel their energy stronger than most, it can even feel blissful. When you are in the presence of this Arch Yogi, you get so blissful you can hardly speak.
It was during a trip to see Sai Baba, the Avatar from Bangalore that I came to meet this Shivabalayogi. Sai Baba has millions of disciples from all over the world -- a whole industry exists to support all the foreigners who come to see him -- and it turns out that when students are ready for advanced spiritual practice he sends them to see this Shivabalayogi. One evening my driver didn´t show up so I spent time in the hotel lobby of the Cavalry Continental Hotel speaking with various travelers from all over the world. At one point during a conversation with a Dutch woman, she broke from her line of thought to ask me if I had seen Shivabalayogi yet. She knew I was doing research on gurus for my Spiritual Seeker´s Guide book, so I thought she was just being helpful, but then after completing just a few more sentences on her original conversation she got up suddenly and walked outside. Curious and confused, I followed her outside where I saw her speaking with a rickshaw driver. She rushed me into the rickshaw, which promptly sped off, and the next thing I knew I was careening through the streets of Bangalore in a three-wheeled motorbike with a driver who didn´t speak any English, although he was able to nod when he heard me mention the name Shivabalayogi.
Upon entering the gates of the ashram I was greeted by my first name and ushered into the main hall. (Nobody had called ahead to announce my arrival -- I checked). I was instructed to sit in the middle of this large hall. I crossed my legs in the traditional lotus posture whereupon the greeter, a Mr. Sing, touched my forehead on a place called the third eye, right between the eyebrows (where you see married Hindu women put red dots or gems are placed on Buddha statues). All of a sudden a rush of energy came into my body through this point, and a feeling of bliss that was so intense it bordered on pain swept me up out of my mind and body. Five hours later I was shaken awake and instructed to join a feast in honor of a marriage that was occurring. It´s strange enough to be in India, it is a magical mysterious place and the ashram has a surrealistic feel as well, but after the experience I had just had I couldn´t even talk. Moreover, an Indian wedding is a very noisy and colorful affair that would overwhelm most Westerners new to the experience. That being the case, a sympathetic American who had witnessed my initiation into the Shaktipat or energy of this Yogi, explained to me what had just happened and what the protocols were for the feast. On the floor large leaves the size of placemats were placed, and then rice and dhal were plopped for us to consume this curried affair with our hands, with men on one side and women on the other. After the meal the crowd gets very quiet and this little man with dread lock of hair and a beard tumbling to the floor, little legs and wearing only a loin cloth comes out from this little car, blesses the married couple and goes back into the car. Just moments before he ducks his head back into the car, he looks over at me, laughs, and heads off. This is my introduction to the great Sri Sri Sri Shivabalayogi Maharaj.
With my curiosity peaked, I headed back to the yogi´s ashram to attend the full evening program of singing, chanting, trance dancing, meditation and discussions, an event that I had sat through the evening before but had been oblivious to while in meditation. Just being in the presence of this being was incredible. It is difficult to explain to a Westerner. The blind see; the lame walk; people go into trances; and everyone gets high from the Shakti of the guru. It´s like God is channeling pure love into all those present. It´s what I imagined it would have been like to be in the physical presence of Jesus. There is so much love. After the program, I was asked to join Shivabalayogi, whom everyone calls Swamiji, too (so now I have two Swamiji´s), and I am seated in front of him auspiciously for a private audience with him and an interpreter. Without my saying a word, he proceeds to answer all the questions in my head in the order that I think them, and then further explains all the things that I have been doing throughout these years. He knows which teachers I studied with, what my trials and tribulations have been, and then tells me that he is going to train me and wants me to increase my sitting time to eight hours a day.
After several years of training with this yogi, traveling with him and conducting the initiations with him, I was called back to India to complete my training in 1990. I left my job and got rid of everything I owned and left not knowing when, or even if, I was going to return. During my months in India my meditation time increased from eight to twelve hours a day, then fourteen, eighteen, twenty, and finally sat for twenty-three hours a day for forty consecutive days and nights to complete my training. During this time the Master Yogi would help me transcend through the transmission of his Shakti. Through his assistance I was able to accelerate my training and complete the tapas, and was later installed as a Yogi in this lineage and asked to conduct the initiations and continue this lineage. The energy, the spirit, from this lineage passes from teacher to student to help awaken the consciousness, as has been a tradition in India for many thousands of years. Even before the tapas training my eyes had been opened, but now the body and mind could serve as a vehicle for the Shakti.
Before leaving India, Swamiji told me that the consciousness of the planet was awakening, that Westerners who were ready to self-realize would come forth to see me. He said that Westerners would not relate to an Indian man, and he had prepared me to go, that God would work through me, and that I would reach millions of people who were ready to awaken; an ominous prospect to my now subdued mind. This book is the result of that calling. The Truth is stranger than fiction. We are all part of a living Universe, Divine beings expressing through the vehicle of the body and mind. Our spirits have been guiding us to awaken our consciousness to full Self Realization, to become the masters of our own being and help uplift the consciousness of the planet so that we can all live together in happiness and peace. All human beings ultimately want to live together peacefully, we all seek happiness and feel compassion for others no matter how caught up in our heads we become. Your purpose in life is to awaken your full potential as not just a human being, but a fully conscious spiritual being so that you can help uplift the consciousness of the planet. We are here to work together to help create the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth. Go into your soul and see if this feels right for you. If it does, your destiny awaits you.
As your brother I offer to you this little guide to help facilitate your awakening. It is gleaned from years of study with the most evolved masters on the planet, years of quiet introspection, and many years of teaching. I honor your indwelling spirit; this is the master I now serve. I do not put myself above you but rather acknowledge that Divinity within you, that which is causing your heart to beat even now. The reading of this book creates a space for your spirit to come forth to interface of your mind, and as you are reading this book your spirit will help you to remember all that which you innately already know. Rather than to educate, I am presenting this book to you so we can celebrate together. The same spirit that guided you to pick up this book, guided me to write these words for you to read. Through these words we meet. The touch of this book is the anchor which will remind you of the destiny that is now unfolding. Take these words and come with me.
